My Ride on The Spectrum

Do you know what tomorrow is? I've wanted to write a post on this topic for a while now but I didn't ever get to it. Tonight seemed only appropriate as tomorrow is Autism Awareness Day.

If I had known 5 years ago what I know today I would have approached some students much differently. I would have seen actions as reactions and not as 'behaviours'. I would have had more compassion and empathy and I certainly would have been a better advocate for my students. My class has changed quite a deal over the last 2 years and with it I have had to take off my ODD/Behaviour hat and put on a hat I never would have thought I'd want to wear as an educator. When I say this, it is not out of disrespect. It is the opposite actually. It is out of a profound respect for those who are gifted in working with this population. I did not see myself as one of these people 5 years ago. It turns out I love my new hat! It suits me just fine and that hat has made me a better person both professionally and personally.

Quite candidly...I was ignorant. Not in a rude way but in an uneducated way. Well if I'm going to be completely honest I was likely rude-ignorant too at times. Most people are when they are faced with something they know little about, something that would change their world and turn it upside down. You see children with Autism do not respond to the Cognitive Behaviour Programming I use the way students in a traditional Behaviour class do. That meant change in my world. Very big change in a world already riveting with constant change, one that I had fought hard to create. One I wanted to keep.

I resisted change.

I argued change.

I tried to get out of the change but I couldn't and as I believe that everything happens for a reason, I think the reason I didn't get a new position last June was so that I would learn. In my learning, I asked for many different professionals to come into my room and to be given professional development opportunities because I just didn't know how to program for children with Autism. It had never been my focus in Special Education. I think the pivotal point was when I met my current teaching partner and an Occupational Therapist who consulted with my School Board. Oh boy did I learn. And I changed. I stopped fighting the inevitable because I no longer had a traditional behaviour class. I had a class of children who were living somewhere on the Spectrum. And it turns out that I was way more ignorant than I had thought and for that, I apologize to my past students who I did not understand. And to their parents. And to the other Special Education personnel who tried to explain when I was not ready to listen. Some behaviours are not oppositional, but are sensory related reactions to the environment. It takes one child who does not respond to the programming in my class to completely change the dynamics. This may sound odd, but it is a fragile environment. I have learned more from teaching that student than I have from any book I've read.

I don't know current statistics for Canada, however I recently read that today 1 in 8 children will be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in the United States. My previous assumption of what Autism was and what it 'looked' like was what I saw in the media: Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper, and children who were non-verbal or echolaic. What I didn't know was who fit in between these media extremes. The students I teach today. My kids.

I have a renewed passion for teaching Special Education and I have a whole new interest in ASD. It turns out, children with Autism and I are a lot alike. We traditionally don't like change; we crave (and thrive) in a structured environment filled with routine and outlined expectations. We like activities to be closed-ended and we need frequent movement breaks. We struggle to sit still without something in our hands or some gum to chew unless we are really interested and motivated by what we are doing. We don't particularly care for new situations or people. Some noises are too loud and some lights are too bright. Some people stand way too close! We are usually anxious and obsessive compulsive about a lot of unknown things. We are smart and dedicated to our craft, whatever that may be. We'll tell you what we really think, even if you might not like it. Please know that I am not saying that I understand what it is like to have Autism or to parent a child with it, however, the rigid thinking and structure needed to reduce anxiety is something I can easily relate to. The more children with Autism that I get to know and teach, the more I understand. This builds empathy and the drive to make others aware of why these children 'behave' the way they do sometimes. Not as an excuse because I set high expectations and excuses get in the way of children reaching their full potential, but as a valid justification for negative reactions to what we as adults see as a normal situation.

I've learned that these children communicate differently and learn better through pictures. Social nuances don't make sense sometimes and they need explicit lessons to understand what most people seem to learn innately through observation. My work world has become full of transitions for the smallest of changes in our day, bags full of pictures and social stories, and an awareness of sensory input that I wish I had known 8 years ago when I first started teaching. I now look for and recognize environmental triggers. I plan for difficult days anticipating what might upset them such as a supply teacher or an early release day. I am careful with my movements, the pressure of my touch, how close I am. I make sure I don't wear perfume and that I am as consistent as possible. These small gestures make my students lives so much easier.

The most important lesson I've taken away from my time with my new class and the professionals is that the world can be a devastatingly harsh place for some children. But not for the reasons I once only considered. I sought out my position to provide support for those children who's harshness came in the form of abuse or neglect. Now I support those who experience a different type of harshness: that of their overhightened senses and trying to live in a world that does not often make sense to them. For these reasons, behaviours occur. Sometimes those behaviours are violent. Sometimes they are counterintuitive and immature for the child's age. Regardless of how they appear to me, those behaviours are an important form of communication. They are not a means to make me angry or to ruin my lesson. They are messages that something isn't right and as the adult, I need to do something about it. It took me a long time to see the difference between what I thought was placating and what is really environmental and sensory regulation. I apologize for all those times I got it wrong.

It is my job to control the environment for children who cannot yet do that for themselves. To explain why it is important to hold a door open for someone else or say sorry when you accidentally bump into someone. I get to help parents understand the importance of routines and I get to learn from parents what it is like to not be able to serve broccoli because of the smell. Most importantly, I learn something new from my students each and every day. Some days there are confirmations that I am doing it right and other days let me know that I need to change. Again. For children who generally hate change, they have certainly inspired me to change for the better.

Tomorrow, I will be sporting my new I Love Someone With Autism shirt courtesy of one of my parents. Wear blue to show your support and encourage awareness for families who are on their journeys with Autism. And the next time you see a kid throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store, think twice before assuming it is 'bad' parenting and consider for a moment that it might be sensory overload.