Tuesday, 26 February 2013
Signs
Today I saw little green plants sprouting from the garden on my way into work. I am choosing to ignore the impending snowstorm we're supposed to get in the next 24 hours and instead am going to focus on the signs of Spring. Longer days. March Break. And little green sprouts.
Monday, 18 February 2013
A Door with Two Sides
December 17th. That was the last time I wrote. An endless stream of thoughts have filtered in and out of my brain in the past two months, some of which have prompted an almost-post but most went out as fast as they came in. Each of these thoughts had an underlying theme, even if I had to stretch the connections just so to make them link together...they all came back to change.
A heavy word change. To recognize the need for change would be the first step to making a change, correct? After months of denial and slight-to-moderate desires to make said change there comes a point when you actually have to do something in order to facilitate a change. A change in lifestyle or attitude or career or laundry detergent. The opportunities for change are endless and I think that there is an inherent power in making change that gives us the strength and courage to make more changes.
The closest almost-post had a title that I remembered until I just went to write it. It's gone now but I know it had to do with being fed up with a less than desirable lifestyle, one filled with lists, busy days, lack of energy, and stress. In writing the descriptors, it's come back to me. I was going to call it: There Has to be a Better Way. An on-going internal struggle for years, particularly since having Brennan, I've not been able to find a balance. It's said that this is common for new mothers especially those that work full time - how do you prioritize and juggle being everything to everyone and making time for yourself? "You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others." I'd like to tell whoever created that little piece of wisdom to shove it because to truly take care of myself the way I feel I really need to in order to be what I need or want to be to everyone, including myself, well it's not possible.
A close second almost-post would have been called If... and in it I would have written what I would do if I had an endless supply of money and time which would really be the catalyst to the utopian lifestyle I am craving. The list doesn't entail traveling the world or buying fancy cars, rather it would detail a plan of true health and well-being with massages, yoga, chiropractic, therapy (both cognitive and retail!), tea, and a house somewhere without power lines and billboards.
You see, I have been longing for solitude and a peaceful easy way of life as of late. In daydreaming of a less complicated world, I have to add a disclaimer that I am not ungrateful for what I have and do not for one minute take what is in my life for granted, but I do feel that there has to be more and not just for me, but for society. We live in such a fast-paced, media-driven, money-hungry individualistic culture that I think we have lost sight of the beauty of quiet, nature, and reflection. When was the last time you sat in a quiet room with no t.v., no iPhone, no music? Just the idea of having that time where my thoughts were allowed to roam....scary.
Last year I went on a 5-week no sugar/junk food challenge that turned into limited dairy and gluten followed by no meat. It lasted a few months before I went away to the cottage and at that point it became too much work. I brought all of my 'special' food with me but living with 8 other people who were eating all the things I wasn't became difficult. I felt secluded (not by the people I was with) but by my choices because they meant extra time in the kitchen and I didn't want to bother. It was just a few days. But those few days restarted me into a terrible eating pattern. The humidity was oppressive as usual in Niagara so I had stopped running at the beginning of July. Insert downhill slide and six months later here I am: 2 sizes larger, 10 pounds heavier, weak, tired, and unhappy. I didn't renew my gym membership because I hadn't gone even when I had it. I stopped eating well because back to school came so I was stress eating, then Halloween and the holidays provided extra delicious treats. Hello 2013! Maybe I will set a New Years Resolution? But even that sounded like too much work. Despite having wanted to make a change for many months now, being in the sluggish state I have put myself into in addition to being the all-or-nothing type of person that I am, I just haven't done it. I like to have a plan all laid out so that I know the rules and a 5-week no sugar challenge wasn't going to cut it this time. Exhausting. I need a major life overhaul.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tonight I went to my first meditation class at my sister-in-law's spa. Meditation has been recommended to me by more people than I can remember due to my rather Type A, OCD, anxiety-ridden personality and a rapid lifestyle that I am slowly shutting myself down from. I think back to before having Brennan when I worked as a full-time teacher in a demanding Behaviour Class and worked part-time as a server at Boston Pizza AND took 2 courses for my Honours degree at Brock. Some weeks I clocked over 80 hours with the above and I still managed to sleep my coveted 10 hours a night. Although my social life was non-existent for a while, I felt happy and fulfilled, being able to be give what I wanted to each of these areas and pay down my $11 000 line of credit in 10 months while renting an apartment and paying tuition. How the hell did I do that? There isn't enough RedBull on this Earth that would allow me to do that at this ripe old age of 31. Back to meditation - we had to place an item in the middle that most represented ourselves and why we were there so I put my cellphone. It has my very full calendar in it and the internet is where I spend an embarrassing amount of my free time. We were given a meditation journal to use as a reflection tool which instantly made me smile as a little known secret is that I have a strange attraction to journals. I have a few blank ones and a few that I've started, none that I've finished, yet I want to buy them whenever I see them. Sometimes I think they are just too pretty to write in. Most of the time I think what I would write would be worthless, which is why I like the computer - the backspace button is much more aesthetically pleasing than whiteout. After each exercise tonight we were supposed to take a minute to write our thoughts down. I only wrote two things. The first being the title of a lifestyle change I want to make and the second was about the door.
I remember guided imagery from when I was in high school. Unbeknownst to me I was placed in the gifted program by my grade 8 teacher and during these gifted periods where we were encouraged to think outside the box, we started each class off with Mrs. Papinou opening our minds with guided imagery. If I remember correctly, she had a love for taking us to the beach with a dog. Such shenanigans are no longer allowed in public schools because heaven forbid a teacher guides a student in the wrong direction. Our last journey tonight was down a long hallway toward a door. My door was white and wooden with a bright light beaming through its cracks. We opened the door and were taken through a beautiful garden to a purifying waterfall. Walking back I noticed my door was no longer white. It had become dark grey. And it was made of steel. I don't know what that means but I doubt it takes a dream interpreter or colour expert to decipher that the door back to my reality was not pretty! And so clearly I need to take a step back and make some serious changes. Because I liked the white wooden door.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I came home and instead of pouring myself a glass of wine I made herbal tea in my favourite mug that looks something like this:
And then I downloaded this cd:
And I wrote.
A heavy word change. To recognize the need for change would be the first step to making a change, correct? After months of denial and slight-to-moderate desires to make said change there comes a point when you actually have to do something in order to facilitate a change. A change in lifestyle or attitude or career or laundry detergent. The opportunities for change are endless and I think that there is an inherent power in making change that gives us the strength and courage to make more changes.
The closest almost-post had a title that I remembered until I just went to write it. It's gone now but I know it had to do with being fed up with a less than desirable lifestyle, one filled with lists, busy days, lack of energy, and stress. In writing the descriptors, it's come back to me. I was going to call it: There Has to be a Better Way. An on-going internal struggle for years, particularly since having Brennan, I've not been able to find a balance. It's said that this is common for new mothers especially those that work full time - how do you prioritize and juggle being everything to everyone and making time for yourself? "You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others." I'd like to tell whoever created that little piece of wisdom to shove it because to truly take care of myself the way I feel I really need to in order to be what I need or want to be to everyone, including myself, well it's not possible.
A close second almost-post would have been called If... and in it I would have written what I would do if I had an endless supply of money and time which would really be the catalyst to the utopian lifestyle I am craving. The list doesn't entail traveling the world or buying fancy cars, rather it would detail a plan of true health and well-being with massages, yoga, chiropractic, therapy (both cognitive and retail!), tea, and a house somewhere without power lines and billboards.
You see, I have been longing for solitude and a peaceful easy way of life as of late. In daydreaming of a less complicated world, I have to add a disclaimer that I am not ungrateful for what I have and do not for one minute take what is in my life for granted, but I do feel that there has to be more and not just for me, but for society. We live in such a fast-paced, media-driven, money-hungry individualistic culture that I think we have lost sight of the beauty of quiet, nature, and reflection. When was the last time you sat in a quiet room with no t.v., no iPhone, no music? Just the idea of having that time where my thoughts were allowed to roam....scary.
Last year I went on a 5-week no sugar/junk food challenge that turned into limited dairy and gluten followed by no meat. It lasted a few months before I went away to the cottage and at that point it became too much work. I brought all of my 'special' food with me but living with 8 other people who were eating all the things I wasn't became difficult. I felt secluded (not by the people I was with) but by my choices because they meant extra time in the kitchen and I didn't want to bother. It was just a few days. But those few days restarted me into a terrible eating pattern. The humidity was oppressive as usual in Niagara so I had stopped running at the beginning of July. Insert downhill slide and six months later here I am: 2 sizes larger, 10 pounds heavier, weak, tired, and unhappy. I didn't renew my gym membership because I hadn't gone even when I had it. I stopped eating well because back to school came so I was stress eating, then Halloween and the holidays provided extra delicious treats. Hello 2013! Maybe I will set a New Years Resolution? But even that sounded like too much work. Despite having wanted to make a change for many months now, being in the sluggish state I have put myself into in addition to being the all-or-nothing type of person that I am, I just haven't done it. I like to have a plan all laid out so that I know the rules and a 5-week no sugar challenge wasn't going to cut it this time. Exhausting. I need a major life overhaul.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tonight I went to my first meditation class at my sister-in-law's spa. Meditation has been recommended to me by more people than I can remember due to my rather Type A, OCD, anxiety-ridden personality and a rapid lifestyle that I am slowly shutting myself down from. I think back to before having Brennan when I worked as a full-time teacher in a demanding Behaviour Class and worked part-time as a server at Boston Pizza AND took 2 courses for my Honours degree at Brock. Some weeks I clocked over 80 hours with the above and I still managed to sleep my coveted 10 hours a night. Although my social life was non-existent for a while, I felt happy and fulfilled, being able to be give what I wanted to each of these areas and pay down my $11 000 line of credit in 10 months while renting an apartment and paying tuition. How the hell did I do that? There isn't enough RedBull on this Earth that would allow me to do that at this ripe old age of 31. Back to meditation - we had to place an item in the middle that most represented ourselves and why we were there so I put my cellphone. It has my very full calendar in it and the internet is where I spend an embarrassing amount of my free time. We were given a meditation journal to use as a reflection tool which instantly made me smile as a little known secret is that I have a strange attraction to journals. I have a few blank ones and a few that I've started, none that I've finished, yet I want to buy them whenever I see them. Sometimes I think they are just too pretty to write in. Most of the time I think what I would write would be worthless, which is why I like the computer - the backspace button is much more aesthetically pleasing than whiteout. After each exercise tonight we were supposed to take a minute to write our thoughts down. I only wrote two things. The first being the title of a lifestyle change I want to make and the second was about the door.
I remember guided imagery from when I was in high school. Unbeknownst to me I was placed in the gifted program by my grade 8 teacher and during these gifted periods where we were encouraged to think outside the box, we started each class off with Mrs. Papinou opening our minds with guided imagery. If I remember correctly, she had a love for taking us to the beach with a dog. Such shenanigans are no longer allowed in public schools because heaven forbid a teacher guides a student in the wrong direction. Our last journey tonight was down a long hallway toward a door. My door was white and wooden with a bright light beaming through its cracks. We opened the door and were taken through a beautiful garden to a purifying waterfall. Walking back I noticed my door was no longer white. It had become dark grey. And it was made of steel. I don't know what that means but I doubt it takes a dream interpreter or colour expert to decipher that the door back to my reality was not pretty! And so clearly I need to take a step back and make some serious changes. Because I liked the white wooden door.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I came home and instead of pouring myself a glass of wine I made herbal tea in my favourite mug that looks something like this:
And then I downloaded this cd:
Monday, 17 December 2012
I Get in my Car
One of the hallmarks of having an anxiety disorder is constant irrational fear. Fear of things and situations that are often ordinary and non-threatening. It doesn't make any sense to the person experiencing the panic any more than it does to onlookers. Anxiety and fear are in and of themselves natural and healthy in order for us to avoid dangerous situations. I have a fear of flying - not in the we're going to crash sort of way, but in the what-if-they-lose-my-luggage sort of way. I'm not kidding - perish in a plane crash? Sure, as long as I have my luggage. I don't know what it is with parting with my suitcase that makes me feel this way. The only theory I've come up with over the years of therapy is that it is a control thing. Everything in the suitcase would be replaceable wherever that plane flew me to (if there were room on my credit card!) but that still doesn't matter to me. I would rather buy my suitcase it's own plane ticket than check it in baggage claim. Hence why we're likely driving to Florida this summer.
On Friday when the lives of 26 innocent people were taken by a man with 3 loaded guns, many parents hugged their children tighter and prayed for the families who lost their loved ones in such a malicious way. Anticipating and possibly escalating fear, our local newspaper ran an article about how our two school boards are working to keep students safe by ensuring all doors are locked throughout the day and having a video entry system where the secretary has to buzz visitors in.
The reality is...the man blew the door open with his gun. No lock or buzz entry system is going to withstand bullets. This disturbing act of violence is not limited to schools either. Terrible things happen all over every single day. There are no guarantees in life. When I would pose my frantic 'what if this happens?!?!?!' scenarios to my therapist, she would say, "You could also get in a car accident at any time but you still get in your car and drive it anyway." And she's right.
Knowing what it is like to live in constant fear, I can say that it is no way to truly live. It is not healthy or productive. It does not foster trust or confidence in children. It interferes with healthy relationships. So if I could offer one unsolicited piece of advice to those feeling like our society has hit an all-time low and that maybe home schooling would be a better option given the incredible number of violent incidents in our schools, it would be this: the probability of something like Friday happening is very small. The number of days that go by without a mass murder of children far outnumbers the horrific days where it does. Without minimizing what happened, it is important not to overgeneralize. Know that, yes this could happen. Unbelievable that it could, but hold on to the high probability that it won't.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
I read this blog post today http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.ca/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html and it was one of the most riveting pieces I have read in a long time. Having taught a behaviour class, I experienced first hand what these parents struggle with in order to get help. I've gone to the psychiatrist appointments with them, the ambulance rides to the emergency room, the endless mounds of paperwork and red tape to get through in order to get their child help. I have been assaulted and had my life threatened on a daily basis. I have written about it before and I do not doubt I will write about it again - our mental health care system is failing our children.
I don't know why that man decided to do what he did. I can only infer that he was severely ill in some capacity. There will be huge debates about the American right to bear arms, violent video games, technology, and media. It is my opinion that the root of the issue is mental illness, which is rampant in our youth today. It infuriates me that they are not receiving the help they need. Parents call our local go-to agency for services and their name is put on a wait list for months if not years. Only severe cases get immediate attention, which is clearly happening to the family in the above article yet they are still fighting to be heard. I don't know if anything could have prevented Friday's tragedy, but I will continue to hope and fight for the earliest of interventions for my students: past, present, and future. I will advocate for their families when their families cannot. This at least makes me feel like I am doing something. It is good to hug your child a little tighter and to appreciate what you have...but actively doing something to help another child only makes your child's future that much brighter. And hopefully safer.
Here are some good places to start.
http://www.kidsmentalhealth.ca
http://www.hincksdellcrest.org/ABC/Welcome
http://www.mendthemind.ca
http://www.pathstonementalhealth.ca
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
On Friday when the lives of 26 innocent people were taken by a man with 3 loaded guns, many parents hugged their children tighter and prayed for the families who lost their loved ones in such a malicious way. Anticipating and possibly escalating fear, our local newspaper ran an article about how our two school boards are working to keep students safe by ensuring all doors are locked throughout the day and having a video entry system where the secretary has to buzz visitors in.
The reality is...the man blew the door open with his gun. No lock or buzz entry system is going to withstand bullets. This disturbing act of violence is not limited to schools either. Terrible things happen all over every single day. There are no guarantees in life. When I would pose my frantic 'what if this happens?!?!?!' scenarios to my therapist, she would say, "You could also get in a car accident at any time but you still get in your car and drive it anyway." And she's right.
Knowing what it is like to live in constant fear, I can say that it is no way to truly live. It is not healthy or productive. It does not foster trust or confidence in children. It interferes with healthy relationships. So if I could offer one unsolicited piece of advice to those feeling like our society has hit an all-time low and that maybe home schooling would be a better option given the incredible number of violent incidents in our schools, it would be this: the probability of something like Friday happening is very small. The number of days that go by without a mass murder of children far outnumbers the horrific days where it does. Without minimizing what happened, it is important not to overgeneralize. Know that, yes this could happen. Unbelievable that it could, but hold on to the high probability that it won't.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
I read this blog post today http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.ca/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html and it was one of the most riveting pieces I have read in a long time. Having taught a behaviour class, I experienced first hand what these parents struggle with in order to get help. I've gone to the psychiatrist appointments with them, the ambulance rides to the emergency room, the endless mounds of paperwork and red tape to get through in order to get their child help. I have been assaulted and had my life threatened on a daily basis. I have written about it before and I do not doubt I will write about it again - our mental health care system is failing our children.
I don't know why that man decided to do what he did. I can only infer that he was severely ill in some capacity. There will be huge debates about the American right to bear arms, violent video games, technology, and media. It is my opinion that the root of the issue is mental illness, which is rampant in our youth today. It infuriates me that they are not receiving the help they need. Parents call our local go-to agency for services and their name is put on a wait list for months if not years. Only severe cases get immediate attention, which is clearly happening to the family in the above article yet they are still fighting to be heard. I don't know if anything could have prevented Friday's tragedy, but I will continue to hope and fight for the earliest of interventions for my students: past, present, and future. I will advocate for their families when their families cannot. This at least makes me feel like I am doing something. It is good to hug your child a little tighter and to appreciate what you have...but actively doing something to help another child only makes your child's future that much brighter. And hopefully safer.
Here are some good places to start.
http://www.kidsmentalhealth.ca
http://www.hincksdellcrest.org/ABC/Welcome
http://www.mendthemind.ca
http://www.pathstonementalhealth.ca
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
Friday, 7 December 2012
There was an old man...
When I drop Brennan off at school in the morning, the parking lot of the church is always busy with volunteers and people accessing the soup kitchen for breakfast. I've always felt guilty paying for Brennan's education when there are people needing a free meal. I feel guilty for a lot of things that I have no control over - kids with negligent parents, wives with abusive husbands, victims of random acts of violence. Today was different though...
A man walked passed us with no shoes or socks on. Just bare feet. He walked toward the dumpsters, which in and of itself is not uncommon as many men tend to head back there for reasons I do not know. Except today, this old man stopped in between the garbage and paper recycling dumpsters. I thought maybe he was going to go to the bathroom and kept about my business talking to one of the teachers on our way toward the school. Then we heard a slam. The man hadn't urinated as I wrongfully assumed - he climbed up the side of the paper dumpster and went inside. The teacher and I looked at each other with the 'did he just...?" look. Some jingling of the chains and sure enough he was inside. I told her that I had just put a box in there last week after bringing in our food donation to the school - did I drop it on him?! I had no idea anyone was in there.
After school I asked a different teacher if the man in the dumpster was ok and if I could bring him some socks. I was told by a person that works for the church that the man went in there because that's where his bed was. Not to worry, it was taken care of. I don't know what that means.
I thought about this old man all day. I'm going to bring some socks to the church on Monday just in case he comes back. Until then, I'm going to try to figure out how this situation even exists in a developed country like Canada.
A man walked passed us with no shoes or socks on. Just bare feet. He walked toward the dumpsters, which in and of itself is not uncommon as many men tend to head back there for reasons I do not know. Except today, this old man stopped in between the garbage and paper recycling dumpsters. I thought maybe he was going to go to the bathroom and kept about my business talking to one of the teachers on our way toward the school. Then we heard a slam. The man hadn't urinated as I wrongfully assumed - he climbed up the side of the paper dumpster and went inside. The teacher and I looked at each other with the 'did he just...?" look. Some jingling of the chains and sure enough he was inside. I told her that I had just put a box in there last week after bringing in our food donation to the school - did I drop it on him?! I had no idea anyone was in there.
After school I asked a different teacher if the man in the dumpster was ok and if I could bring him some socks. I was told by a person that works for the church that the man went in there because that's where his bed was. Not to worry, it was taken care of. I don't know what that means.
I thought about this old man all day. I'm going to bring some socks to the church on Monday just in case he comes back. Until then, I'm going to try to figure out how this situation even exists in a developed country like Canada.
Sunday, 2 December 2012
The Bottom
Sigh.
I feel like I'm almost at my personal bottom from overworking, overeating, underexercising (alright if I'm going to be honest, not exercising. At all.), overspending. overworrying, and under all the other stuff like quality family time, quality me time, quality cleaning my freaking house time. My all or nothing personality is rather unbalanced, heavier on the work department. I don't remember the last time I did a proper grocery store run or cooked an actual plate full of food that resembled a meal. Steve does everything around the house - he's a SuperDad.
I'm not sure why I always feel the need to justify the hours I put in. I don't know if it's a societal pressure where I feel that because I am a woman and a Mom, I am supposed to put all things womanly and motherly before the rest. It could be the fear of being judged for my priorities being in the "wrong place". Does anyone else ever feel that way? Who gets to decide what priorities are the right ones?
I think at this point I've started to shut down, physically and emotionally. Winter is never a good time for me, with the long, dark days. November and February tend to be the worst. I know what to do though. It's simple really. I don't think I'm quite at my true bottom yet because if I was, I'd be ready to finally do something about it. And so I will keep scraping along until I'm truly fed up and then I will pounce like a tiger on my sugar donut filled lazy ass and get back to the gym. It will be onward and upward from there because going to the gym breaks the cycle of a poor lifestyle for me. See...simple.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To add to this self-created case of the blahs, there's the political side of what's going on with our union and the government and that really stresses me out. It makes me want to bury my head in the sand because as much as I try to understand everything that is going on, the legal side of it completely leaves me lost. And I can't stop reading the comments from the newspaper (which I know I shouldn't do) but they infuriate me and I want to set the record straight because the lack of respect for teachers, for what I pour my heart and soul into every single day, infuriates and disgusts me.
How did it get to a point where teachers were collectively seen as lazy, greedy, whiners? Does this come from jealousy of the perks of the job or ignorance to the reality of the job? Anyone who has ever had me as a teacher knows I am not lazy and that I give an incredible amount of my time and money to my kids and our classroom. I whine, yes, but I've always been a whiner. This whiner, she gets stuff done though, and it's for the better of the kids. I feel I deserve respect for what I do.
And fighting for respect exhausts me even more because the judgement is too much some days. I actually read a comment that insulted a teacher because silent reading was in their lesson plan, and so the man suggested a Grade 12 students could clearly replace teachers if this was what was being 'taught' in class. It's these kind of comments that make me too tired to even try. Where does one even start to correct this type of ignorance?
Sigh.
Yawn.
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Tea vs. Latte
One of my favourite bloggers posted this today:
http://www.kellehampton.com/2012/11/tea-with-milk-and-honey.html
It's like she read my mind (minus the new baby part!), she knew I needed another reminder to take it down a notch and take time to listen to the leaves crunch under my feet. Except I'm not in the tea mode yet, I'm still flying in latte mode. Run run run as fast as she can...
I'm hoping things will slow down in a couple of weeks, after parent-teacher interviews and after my evaluation. Actually I had hoped things would slow down after progress reports and after Brennan's birthday and after Halloween and after...well this list goes back a while now.
I am learning to say no to other people but I am my own worst enemy and often cannot say no to myself when it comes to my work. I have some issues to iron out with time management and priorities. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?
Connecting to the busy-as-a-beaver lifestyle, I am feeling a bit frustrated and overwhelmed with the way Christmas feels these days. Starting music and decorations as soon as the clock strikes midnight on Halloween just adds pressure and takes away the fun that the weeks before this holiday have the potential to bring. Although I'm not a religious person, what used to be a precious family time where thought was put into gift giving, now just seems like a big marketing game of one-upmanship. I know I have the power to change those thoughts, but when being bombarded for 2 months straight, it's kind of difficult to ignore. I feel pressure to finish shopping early and outdo whatever it was that I did last year. Do you find this too?
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
In happier news, Brennan's conversations continue to crack me up. He now says, "cool" and "awesome" when he is shown something new. He sings the "Bonjour mes amies" song while clapping every day. When he was being silly tonight, my Aunt told him he was being crazy and he replied, "No, I not crazy. I just a boy." He squished my finger in Tick Tock Croc's mouth a bit too hard so he kissed it better and asked if I wanted a 'banbaid'. He told Steve that a girl in his class named Myla was his best friend.
This was our conversation on the way home from school:
"Did you colour at school today?"
"No"
"Did you read a book?"
"I made you a card."
"Really?"
"It's a secret."
"A secret card?"
"Ya, I not sposed to tell you. Insert a few phrases I didn't understand. I don't want it a secret. I want to bring it home my picture card."
http://www.kellehampton.com/2012/11/tea-with-milk-and-honey.html
It's like she read my mind (minus the new baby part!), she knew I needed another reminder to take it down a notch and take time to listen to the leaves crunch under my feet. Except I'm not in the tea mode yet, I'm still flying in latte mode. Run run run as fast as she can...
I'm hoping things will slow down in a couple of weeks, after parent-teacher interviews and after my evaluation. Actually I had hoped things would slow down after progress reports and after Brennan's birthday and after Halloween and after...well this list goes back a while now.
I am learning to say no to other people but I am my own worst enemy and often cannot say no to myself when it comes to my work. I have some issues to iron out with time management and priorities. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?
Connecting to the busy-as-a-beaver lifestyle, I am feeling a bit frustrated and overwhelmed with the way Christmas feels these days. Starting music and decorations as soon as the clock strikes midnight on Halloween just adds pressure and takes away the fun that the weeks before this holiday have the potential to bring. Although I'm not a religious person, what used to be a precious family time where thought was put into gift giving, now just seems like a big marketing game of one-upmanship. I know I have the power to change those thoughts, but when being bombarded for 2 months straight, it's kind of difficult to ignore. I feel pressure to finish shopping early and outdo whatever it was that I did last year. Do you find this too?
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
In happier news, Brennan's conversations continue to crack me up. He now says, "cool" and "awesome" when he is shown something new. He sings the "Bonjour mes amies" song while clapping every day. When he was being silly tonight, my Aunt told him he was being crazy and he replied, "No, I not crazy. I just a boy." He squished my finger in Tick Tock Croc's mouth a bit too hard so he kissed it better and asked if I wanted a 'banbaid'. He told Steve that a girl in his class named Myla was his best friend.
This was our conversation on the way home from school:
"Did you colour at school today?"
"No"
"Did you read a book?"
"I made you a card."
"Really?"
"It's a secret."
"A secret card?"
"Ya, I not sposed to tell you. Insert a few phrases I didn't understand. I don't want it a secret. I want to bring it home my picture card."
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Fall
Fall is my favourite season. It means the return of football, gorgeous leaf colours, apple cider, and the best decorations this side of Christmas.
With Fall also comes the overwhelming task of going back to school. I've been swamped at work as most teachers are this time of year, especially after reorganizing the third week into the year and becoming a split grade with 7 more kids than I started with. The assessments are incredibly time consuming, both in and out of the classroom and just when you think you can breathe, Progress Reports are due. Steve and I don't see each other very much because when he's actually home, I need to get work done and am often at school (with other teachers) just trying to stay afloat. He is very supportive but like anyone who isn't a teacher, he doesn't really understand why I have so much work to do. Just give them all As he says :-)
This year has been really fun as I have left Special Ed and returned to a "regular" classroom. It's been rejuvenating to be able to express my creativity in ways I had not been able to tap in to over the past 5 years. My class is pretty amazing and they are teaching me a lot as we go. I get to apply what I have learned in special ed to make learning easier for kids that have previously struggled. I am fortunate that they are buying into my unconventional ways of running a classroom, and for most kids it's working! That kind of positive reinforcement is so motivating and it was definitely what I needed.
Brennan also started school this year. He's going to a Montessori School and he LOVES it! We had a rough go for a few days but he's on track and no longer crying when I leave. He adores his teacher and even tried to call her today on his toy phone! He came home yesterday with a handprint turkey and his caption was: Thank you to Mummy because I want cookies. I want to play with toys and my Mummy gives me hugs and kisses. Daddy is at work... That is one piece of art I will be keeping for sure!
With Thanksgiving this weekend, I will leave you with a top 10 of things I am thankful for.
1. My wonderful family and friends
2. The roof over our heads. The heat from our vents. The amenities that we often take for granted.
3. The job that pays for the heat, benefits, a pension
4. Hot stone massages
5. Our health
6. Modern Family: reruns, new episodes, the calendar, it's all hilarious
7. Living in Canada
8. The Baby Talk Mommies that provide amazing children for Brennan to grow up with, sanity for me, and friendships that are irreplaceable.
9. Stretchy pants without buttons and zippers...you know the could-be-maternity-type pants. Love love love them.
10. Wine. Lots of wine.
Happy Thanksgiving!
With Fall also comes the overwhelming task of going back to school. I've been swamped at work as most teachers are this time of year, especially after reorganizing the third week into the year and becoming a split grade with 7 more kids than I started with. The assessments are incredibly time consuming, both in and out of the classroom and just when you think you can breathe, Progress Reports are due. Steve and I don't see each other very much because when he's actually home, I need to get work done and am often at school (with other teachers) just trying to stay afloat. He is very supportive but like anyone who isn't a teacher, he doesn't really understand why I have so much work to do. Just give them all As he says :-)
This year has been really fun as I have left Special Ed and returned to a "regular" classroom. It's been rejuvenating to be able to express my creativity in ways I had not been able to tap in to over the past 5 years. My class is pretty amazing and they are teaching me a lot as we go. I get to apply what I have learned in special ed to make learning easier for kids that have previously struggled. I am fortunate that they are buying into my unconventional ways of running a classroom, and for most kids it's working! That kind of positive reinforcement is so motivating and it was definitely what I needed.
Brennan also started school this year. He's going to a Montessori School and he LOVES it! We had a rough go for a few days but he's on track and no longer crying when I leave. He adores his teacher and even tried to call her today on his toy phone! He came home yesterday with a handprint turkey and his caption was: Thank you to Mummy because I want cookies. I want to play with toys and my Mummy gives me hugs and kisses. Daddy is at work... That is one piece of art I will be keeping for sure!
With Thanksgiving this weekend, I will leave you with a top 10 of things I am thankful for.
1. My wonderful family and friends
2. The roof over our heads. The heat from our vents. The amenities that we often take for granted.
3. The job that pays for the heat, benefits, a pension
4. Hot stone massages
5. Our health
6. Modern Family: reruns, new episodes, the calendar, it's all hilarious
7. Living in Canada
8. The Baby Talk Mommies that provide amazing children for Brennan to grow up with, sanity for me, and friendships that are irreplaceable.
9. Stretchy pants without buttons and zippers...you know the could-be-maternity-type pants. Love love love them.
10. Wine. Lots of wine.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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