Is it Time to Settle?

I've always struggled with what the difference is between settling and lowering expectations. I've been told more than a million times that my expectations are way too high. For pretty much everything and everyone - work, relationships, friends, family, co-workers, my students, and of course myself. I was reminded today of my little conundrum; of whether I'm unrealistic or if I'm just not 'seasoned' enough to know when it's not worth the fight. It absolutely baffles me.

The lack of resources, money, and support out there for families. It brings me to tears. The unbelieveably high mental health rates amongst children today. In this region. In this country. Everyone always says, "Back in my day, kids didn't have all these problems." But did they? Did we not know? Were they segregated? Are we just more aware now, more educated, or is there something in the environment causing predispositions? I fear that society so utterly messed up that what these kids and their families go through is now actually acceptable.

Please tell me I'm wrong.

Please tell me that there will be more money to help them. There will be more doctors and better interventions and therapies and mandatory training for caregivers and teachers to help them to help these kids. Not everyone is going to research on their own, nor will they know what to do with the information. I want to live in a community where when a parent says they need help, they want help - that there will be someone to give it to them. And that when an adult neglects a child that someone is also there to make damned sure those kids get what they need. Someone just tell me that waiting lists will be less than a year for SOMETHING. Just ONE service. Doesn't anyone high up there in the political or medical world realize these kids are our future and if they are not receiving interventions early enough, it could be too late for them. And for us.

While you're at it, fill me in on when it became acceptable to say, "Well that's just the way it is. There's nothing we can do. That's not our job." When exactly did villages stop raising children? When did it become socially acceptable to not help your neighbour? To turn your back on your family?

Are my standards too high? If it's an uphill battle that will never be won, then how did any social or humanitarian movement fulfill it's goal to bring about change? At what point is one to give up or settle for having 'done their job' when their 'job' is nowhere near enough. Too many kids, not enough money, not enough resources, not enough doctors. The list of ways we're failing our children as a society goes on and on. Yep, environment is an issue, yep there are not so great parents out there, but who comes in to end the blaming game? The only one who loses is the kid.

My brand new teacher, I'm-going-to-save-the-world-one-child-at-a-time glasses, well those were broken years ago. I now have accepted that I cannot fix them all, certainly not by myself. I've also learned that it's sure as hell not within me to just stop trying! I'm constantly told I should do what I can in the 6 hours I have them each day and hope that I've made a difference. I think inthere lies the problem. After a few years, it just is expected that those "I will make a difference. A real difference" type of attitudes, well, you just learn there are too many and not enough of you. On my long, hard days I feel that maybe they are right.

And then I see my students and their smiles and I get their hugs and I see the hope in their eyes...the pleading for me to take control for them and make them safe, just for a little while. People say they don't know how I teach the class I do. That if they got paid double, they'd never do it. They just couldn't - the defiance, disrespect, foul language, the destruction, the violence...day in and day out. I have days where I think I can't either. I'm not naive or egocentric enough to think that there aren't people out there who could do a better job than I, because I know there are.

When do my high expectations for the care of my students become TOO high?
And at what point do I settle into accepting what I know deep down somewhere in my stubborn nature, what they already know?

Then I think you know what? They're the ones who are wrong. Expectations for all children should be high, for their care at home, in the medical community, the social community, and the school community. I remember being told many times..."uh there's no way they can do that activity." There were some art lessons that yep, not a chance. But there were many others in Language and Math and you know what, most of them did! Never before had they, but I didn't give up and they worked their angry "I hate you Miss Hall. This is stupid" tails off and they often shocked themselves with all they could do. Without high expectations, where would we be?

So I think I'll just stock up on wine and try to make it to the gym (hoping for sanity here), and I'm going to keep those expectations of mine high. Many say to set them lower so that I won't be so disappointed or burn out too fast. I've worked on setting more appropriate academic ones, learned to be more flexible, but I will NOT lower my expectations for adults. I will continue to fight for my kids and I will work to raise THEIR expectations, because it's not about me being disappointed...it's the kids that suffer.

I'm not much of a settler. Anyone who really makes a difference never is. (My friend said I should give myself more credit, so I just did. For her.) My teaching partner said, "Wow! I ran most of the class today and what you do is hard. At the end of the day, I just wanted to sit down." That was one of the most meaningful compliments for me. So thank you for that Kim.

If you're looking for a new charity or cause to support, consider Mental Health Associations in your area. Let's get these kids and their families some help. No one should be told there's nothing out there for them while they wait on wait lists.