Do you know what tomorrow is? I've wanted to write a post on this topic for a while now but I didn't ever get to it. Tonight seemed only appropriate as tomorrow is Autism Awareness Day.
If I had known 5 years ago what I know today I would have approached some students much differently. I would have seen actions as reactions and not as 'behaviours'. I would have had more compassion and empathy and I certainly would have been a better advocate for my students. My class has changed quite a deal over the last 2 years and with it I have had to take off my ODD/Behaviour hat and put on a hat I never would have thought I'd want to wear as an educator. When I say this, it is not out of disrespect. It is the opposite actually. It is out of a profound respect for those who are gifted in working with this population. I did not see myself as one of these people 5 years ago. It turns out I love my new hat! It suits me just fine and that hat has made me a better person both professionally and personally.
Quite candidly...I was ignorant. Not in a rude way but in an uneducated way. Well if I'm going to be completely honest I was likely rude-ignorant too at times. Most people are when they are faced with something they know little about, something that would change their world and turn it upside down. You see children with Autism do not respond to the Cognitive Behaviour Programming I use the way students in a traditional Behaviour class do. That meant change in my world. Very big change in a world already riveting with constant change, one that I had fought hard to create. One I wanted to keep.
I resisted change.
I argued change.
I tried to get out of the change but I couldn't and as I believe that everything happens for a reason, I think the reason I didn't get a new position last June was so that I would learn. In my learning, I asked for many different professionals to come into my room and to be given professional development opportunities because I just didn't know how to program for children with Autism. It had never been my focus in Special Education. I think the pivotal point was when I met my current teaching partner and an Occupational Therapist who consulted with my School Board. Oh boy did I learn. And I changed. I stopped fighting the inevitable because I no longer had a traditional behaviour class. I had a class of children who were living somewhere on the Spectrum. And it turns out that I was way more ignorant than I had thought and for that, I apologize to my past students who I did not understand. And to their parents. And to the other Special Education personnel who tried to explain when I was not ready to listen. Some behaviours are not oppositional, but are sensory related reactions to the environment. It takes one child who does not respond to the programming in my class to completely change the dynamics. This may sound odd, but it is a fragile environment. I have learned more from teaching that student than I have from any book I've read.
I don't know current statistics for Canada, however I recently read that today 1 in 8 children will be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in the United States. My previous assumption of what Autism was and what it 'looked' like was what I saw in the media: Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper, and children who were non-verbal or echolaic. What I didn't know was who fit in between these media extremes. The students I teach today. My kids.
I have a renewed passion for teaching Special Education and I have a whole new interest in ASD. It turns out, children with Autism and I are a lot alike. We traditionally don't like change; we crave (and thrive) in a structured environment filled with routine and outlined expectations. We like activities to be closed-ended and we need frequent movement breaks. We struggle to sit still without something in our hands or some gum to chew unless we are really interested and motivated by what we are doing. We don't particularly care for new situations or people. Some noises are too loud and some lights are too bright. Some people stand way too close! We are usually anxious and obsessive compulsive about a lot of unknown things. We are smart and dedicated to our craft, whatever that may be. We'll tell you what we really think, even if you might not like it. Please know that I am not saying that I understand what it is like to have Autism or to parent a child with it, however, the rigid thinking and structure needed to reduce anxiety is something I can easily relate to. The more children with Autism that I get to know and teach, the more I understand. This builds empathy and the drive to make others aware of why these children 'behave' the way they do sometimes. Not as an excuse because I set high expectations and excuses get in the way of children reaching their full potential, but as a valid justification for negative reactions to what we as adults see as a normal situation.
I've learned that these children communicate differently and learn better through pictures. Social nuances don't make sense sometimes and they need explicit lessons to understand what most people seem to learn innately through observation. My work world has become full of transitions for the smallest of changes in our day, bags full of pictures and social stories, and an awareness of sensory input that I wish I had known 8 years ago when I first started teaching. I now look for and recognize environmental triggers. I plan for difficult days anticipating what might upset them such as a supply teacher or an early release day. I am careful with my movements, the pressure of my touch, how close I am. I make sure I don't wear perfume and that I am as consistent as possible. These small gestures make my students lives so much easier.
The most important lesson I've taken away from my time with my new class and the professionals is that the world can be a devastatingly harsh place for some children. But not for the reasons I once only considered. I sought out my position to provide support for those children who's harshness came in the form of abuse or neglect. Now I support those who experience a different type of harshness: that of their overhightened senses and trying to live in a world that does not often make sense to them. For these reasons, behaviours occur. Sometimes those behaviours are violent. Sometimes they are counterintuitive and immature for the child's age. Regardless of how they appear to me, those behaviours are an important form of communication. They are not a means to make me angry or to ruin my lesson. They are messages that something isn't right and as the adult, I need to do something about it. It took me a long time to see the difference between what I thought was placating and what is really environmental and sensory regulation. I apologize for all those times I got it wrong.
It is my job to control the environment for children who cannot yet do that for themselves. To explain why it is important to hold a door open for someone else or say sorry when you accidentally bump into someone. I get to help parents understand the importance of routines and I get to learn from parents what it is like to not be able to serve broccoli because of the smell. Most importantly, I learn something new from my students each and every day. Some days there are confirmations that I am doing it right and other days let me know that I need to change. Again. For children who generally hate change, they have certainly inspired me to change for the better.
Tomorrow, I will be sporting my new I Love Someone With Autism shirt courtesy of one of my parents. Wear blue to show your support and encourage awareness for families who are on their journeys with Autism. And the next time you see a kid throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store, think twice before assuming it is 'bad' parenting and consider for a moment that it might be sensory overload.
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Monday, 26 March 2012
An Ode To Winter
1. I appreciate that you make the bugs go away so I don't have to shoo flies, swat bees, or wear mosquito repellant.
2. I like the accent that you add to the holiday season. You are pretty.
3. I enjoy not being able to smell the garbage.
4. I find your season easy to decorate for, making you good for the economy. Just ask the staff at Michael's.
5. I love hot chocolate. And Bailey's. I love hot chocolate and Bailey's together when it's winter. Win win.
6. Brennan gets a kick out of shovelling the snow with his little red shovel so you make him happy, which makes me happy. He also likes to scream, "It's snowing!" when he looks out the window in the morning.
7. Despite the fact that you can be ridiculously freezing, it's easier to adjust to the temperature with clothes and blankets than it is when your counterpart Summer is 40 degrees without the humidex.
8. You make it easy to not feel guilty about watching T.V.
9. Without you, most of us would not appreciate the other seasons as much as we do when you go away.
10. And finally, dearest Winter, I am grateful for snow days.
Saturday, 24 March 2012
Appreciation
A friend sent this to me because she said it reminded her of me. It made my day. Thank you Robyn for seeing the heart of why I do what I do.
The teacher whose measurement of success does not come in the stroke of a red pen, letter, percentage, but rather in my new found, quiet confidence as I begin to realize my own potential.
The teacher whose actions always speak louder than their words; who understands that, although my best may look different from others', it is an achievement deserving of equal praise; who proves that my learning ability just comes in a different shaped box.
The teacher who often stands with me, so I do not stand alone; who displays initiative and effort before asking it of anyone else; whose committment to me, helps others to acknowledge my capacity and worth.
The teacher who believed in me, until I learned to believe in myself.
The teacher whose measurement of success does not come in the stroke of a red pen, letter, percentage, but rather in my new found, quiet confidence as I begin to realize my own potential.
The teacher whose actions always speak louder than their words; who understands that, although my best may look different from others', it is an achievement deserving of equal praise; who proves that my learning ability just comes in a different shaped box.
The teacher who often stands with me, so I do not stand alone; who displays initiative and effort before asking it of anyone else; whose committment to me, helps others to acknowledge my capacity and worth.
The teacher who believed in me, until I learned to believe in myself.
The Forgotten Room
I became completely enthralled with The Forgotten Room this week. I received it in the mail on Monday, started reading it on Wednesday and I finished it tonight while in a hot bubble bath.
I don't imagine that most people would enjoy reading this book. There's no feel good ending and certainly no love story or suspenseful mystery.
Located in a rapidly-growing county in the southeastern United States, Peachtree Alternative School is a dumping ground for chronically disruptive students that regular teachers can no longer handle. The school has some of the toughest kids that society has to offer: kids who have dealt drugs, attempted rape, brought weapons to school, and made terrorist threats. Neglect, understaffing, and overcrowding create a volatile situation; Teachers survive threats, assaults, brawls, and rampages with their therapeutic philosophies barely intact.
The Forgotten Room is a teacher survival story. It examines the darker side of American education through chronicling the course of Peachtree Alternative School's tenth and final year. It offers a glimmer of hope in the safe zones created by hardworking teachers, but it is also a cautionary tale about the consequences of bureaucrats neglecting troubled teens.
I know that it's easier to turn a blind eye at the concerning growth of behavioural issues amongst youth, the vicious cycles of poverty that are perpetuated by underfunded social programs, rampant mental health issues, lack of education and the morally depleted society with which we live.
...
I think in the midst of overcrowded classes, lack of support and funding, standardized testing, dwindling participating in religion, smaller families, toxic environments, an increased pace of life, the time and energy the children in this book need from their teachers just does not exist.
A big part of my job is to try to find out why behaviours occur. I remind myself that no child wants to get into trouble. They don't wake up each day and plan out how to piss off their teachers. They aren't born ready to cause 'trouble'. They are children. They want to learn. They want friends to play with. They want to be safe and secure, fed, clothed, and above all else, they want to be loved. Respected and loved. There's always a reason, be it biological, social, or emotional, there's a reason for what they do. Or do not do.
I certainly have those days where I'm beaten down. I've written about it before and will likely write about it again. I have learned a lot over the years and continue to learn, trying to find that missing key to success. It's true that you can't save them all. But you can always try and you can make a difference, even if it's a small one that you never know you made. That belief is at the core which pushes me through those bang-your-head-against-the-wall days where I throw my hands in the air and say, "I give up!' This is ridiculous. I've had enough."
But I've learned to let go of some things and continue to fight for others. Reading this book reminded me that everyone has their strengths. And weaknesses. That there are hardships out there way worse than yours and that to be effective in special education you need to possess,
"...enthusiasm, authority, humility, creativity, and authenticity as critical aspects of teaching." p. 167
It's easy to get in the rut. To be bogged down by bureaucracy, constraints, and the never ending battle of that which you cannot control. I try to celebrate the successes that seem so commonplace, like a whole day without an object being thrown. I also try to remember that that kid who cannot seem to follow the rules, they are still someone else's child. If they find their environment overwhelming, it is our job as adults to reconstruct it so that it is less painful. We need to create structure from chaos and focus on the positive they do, not the negative. Smile when we want to grunt, ignore when we want to scream, be passionate when we want to give up, and advocate for those who can't. At the end of the day I think, if this were my child, how would I want his teachers to treat him?
It was reaffirming to read this book but also an eye opener to the things I've let slip over the year. If you have an interest in at-risk youth, poverty, or resilience, it's a great read.
Monday, 19 March 2012
I Did It!
March Break came and went. Would you like to know what I did?
A whole lot of sleeping. I slept 10-12 hours each night plus took at least a 2 hour nap almost every day. I was utterly exhausted. I need a lot of sleep in comparison to everyone else I know. Steve can get by on less than 6 hours and not be affected...I on the other hand need at least 8 to function like a regular human being. So I slept when I felt that I needed to sleep.
I visited with these cute babies.
I watched 2, yes 2 whole movies!
and
and I read. I finished
and then started
I wrote a lot. I sat in Starbucks and people-watched while sipping my latte.
I went to Niagara-on-the-Lake and strolled the main street, going in and out of shops. I saw signs for new wineries that I've come to like so I turned left and went to them.
I got my hair done, my toes done, my eyebrows done, had a massage, acupuncture, and an ion cleanse. I shaved my legs!
I did not go to the gym. I did not start running. I did not check off very much on my massive March Break to-do list. And most importantly...I did not go into work or do anything work related the whole 10 days.
I did it all for myself for the first time, guilt free!
I visited with these cute babies.
I watched 2, yes 2 whole movies!
and
and I read. I finished
I wrote a lot. I sat in Starbucks and people-watched while sipping my latte.
I went to Niagara-on-the-Lake and strolled the main street, going in and out of shops. I saw signs for new wineries that I've come to like so I turned left and went to them.
I got my hair done, my toes done, my eyebrows done, had a massage, acupuncture, and an ion cleanse. I shaved my legs!
I did not go to the gym. I did not start running. I did not check off very much on my massive March Break to-do list. And most importantly...I did not go into work or do anything work related the whole 10 days.
I did it all for myself for the first time, guilt free!
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
A Tale of Patience Run Out
I more than dislike when I feel this way...that I may snap at any moment like a weak branch in the midst of the crazy windstorm we had the other day. I will fully admit that I did a shot when I got home from work today. It was one of 'those days' and it only got worse when I went to pick up some things for my students and Brennan had a full out meltdown in the Dollar Store. It looked something like this except sans Santa and he was fully on the floor. I'll spare you the audio.
I think I am more than annoyed tonight because it really shouldn't have been "one of those days" and I likely let it be one of those days because I am dreading tomorrow and I am in need of a break. So yes, I had a Sweet Tart for good measure before dinner. It didn't help. I went to the gym and worked on the rowing machine, figuring that constant deep pressure would help me relax. That's all the rage right now in education, finding ways to relax through deep pressure as part of learning to self-regulate. Apparently the ability to self-regulate is the new way to gage academic success. Turns out proprioceptive activities work better for sensory issues than annoyance! Brennan felt it appropriate to throw himself another temper tantrum at the gym. He is generally a really well behaved little guy and we're usually like this
But tonight, he was a meany pants to his Mommy! Steve suggested he was feeding off of my mood. I imagine Steve is right but you don't need to tell him that.
So now I write and listen to my favourite music and ponder how to make tomorrow better than today. A colleague always puts days like these into perspective when he tells stories of disgruntled people he runs into. He does outrageous impressions of people overreacting to the most trivial of situations, his latest an animated story of a man yelling about how long the line was for food at 12:30 at the National Museum of Play on Family Day/President's Day. Afterward Mike always ends the story with the show stopping statement: "If THIS is all you have to complain about in life - a long line on a holiday while spending the day with your family at a place dedicated to play - then you're doing alright buddy." I remind myself of his stories when I'm letting things get to me. I think that's what frustrates me the most when I feel grumpy about my day. I get more agitated because I know I shouldn't be upset. It's a vicious circle of synonyms for being annoyed. I even did what I repeatedly tell my students to do when they're mad - I used 'strategies' . But dammit, they didn't work! No wonder they rarely use them :-) I'm going to tell them that tomorrow because I think it's important to be real with them and show them humility. I'll probably leave out my shot strategy however.
***
Tomorrow is almost March - so it's time for a new resolution. I have made improvements with the first two but I'm finding dedication an issue. Motivation is pretty low. I'm starting a new volunteer project on Thursday so I imagine I will jump in with both feet and come out soaking wet with inspiration and hopefully a new goal. March is also the month I start running again and that always makes me feel better. Coincidentally, the sun starts to shine more and the temperature gets warmer, the windows start to open with fresh air signifying an end to this dreary, albeit warm, winter. I am looking forward to it and to all that Spring brings.
Growth.
Beauty.
Nature.
And more patience.
P.S. Guess who finally downloaded her pictures?
I think I am more than annoyed tonight because it really shouldn't have been "one of those days" and I likely let it be one of those days because I am dreading tomorrow and I am in need of a break. So yes, I had a Sweet Tart for good measure before dinner. It didn't help. I went to the gym and worked on the rowing machine, figuring that constant deep pressure would help me relax. That's all the rage right now in education, finding ways to relax through deep pressure as part of learning to self-regulate. Apparently the ability to self-regulate is the new way to gage academic success. Turns out proprioceptive activities work better for sensory issues than annoyance! Brennan felt it appropriate to throw himself another temper tantrum at the gym. He is generally a really well behaved little guy and we're usually like this
But tonight, he was a meany pants to his Mommy! Steve suggested he was feeding off of my mood. I imagine Steve is right but you don't need to tell him that.
So now I write and listen to my favourite music and ponder how to make tomorrow better than today. A colleague always puts days like these into perspective when he tells stories of disgruntled people he runs into. He does outrageous impressions of people overreacting to the most trivial of situations, his latest an animated story of a man yelling about how long the line was for food at 12:30 at the National Museum of Play on Family Day/President's Day. Afterward Mike always ends the story with the show stopping statement: "If THIS is all you have to complain about in life - a long line on a holiday while spending the day with your family at a place dedicated to play - then you're doing alright buddy." I remind myself of his stories when I'm letting things get to me. I think that's what frustrates me the most when I feel grumpy about my day. I get more agitated because I know I shouldn't be upset. It's a vicious circle of synonyms for being annoyed. I even did what I repeatedly tell my students to do when they're mad - I used 'strategies' . But dammit, they didn't work! No wonder they rarely use them :-) I'm going to tell them that tomorrow because I think it's important to be real with them and show them humility. I'll probably leave out my shot strategy however.
***
Tomorrow is almost March - so it's time for a new resolution. I have made improvements with the first two but I'm finding dedication an issue. Motivation is pretty low. I'm starting a new volunteer project on Thursday so I imagine I will jump in with both feet and come out soaking wet with inspiration and hopefully a new goal. March is also the month I start running again and that always makes me feel better. Coincidentally, the sun starts to shine more and the temperature gets warmer, the windows start to open with fresh air signifying an end to this dreary, albeit warm, winter. I am looking forward to it and to all that Spring brings.
Growth.
Beauty.
Nature.
And more patience.
P.S. Guess who finally downloaded her pictures?
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Break
I need one.
From grey skies. From hormones. From sad situations children grow up in.
I'd like a break from the mundane and tiring to join the world of creative and energetic.
I know what I need to do. Sometimes I get too far in an unhealthy rut and think, "Why bother?", kind of like when the clothes pile up on the bed. And the floor. Why stop now?
I'll be fed up soon enough and finally do something about it. I'm looking forward to that day because this annual February Pity Party is unwarranted, unwanted and rather pathetic.
*****
On a related note, why do people not follow sound advice? Like drinking 8 glasses of water a day, avoiding fast food, exercising regularly, flossing? Strange that as a culture we have such an incredible wealth of knowledge about healthy living and so many of us choose to ignore it. It's so easy to give advice and we know better. Not as easy to follow.
Clearly I'm failing with flying colours on my resolutions. February, you stink.
From grey skies. From hormones. From sad situations children grow up in.
I'd like a break from the mundane and tiring to join the world of creative and energetic.
I know what I need to do. Sometimes I get too far in an unhealthy rut and think, "Why bother?", kind of like when the clothes pile up on the bed. And the floor. Why stop now?
I'll be fed up soon enough and finally do something about it. I'm looking forward to that day because this annual February Pity Party is unwarranted, unwanted and rather pathetic.
*****
On a related note, why do people not follow sound advice? Like drinking 8 glasses of water a day, avoiding fast food, exercising regularly, flossing? Strange that as a culture we have such an incredible wealth of knowledge about healthy living and so many of us choose to ignore it. It's so easy to give advice and we know better. Not as easy to follow.
Clearly I'm failing with flying colours on my resolutions. February, you stink.
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